Marrying my origins in SoCal with the reality of my present life in a more accepting environment has been difficult. Going home always fills me with a little dread. Am I simply going back to a region with a specific culture or am I, in fact, going back to reality? Am I living a self-fulfilling fantasy or a legitimate life? Is that a reasonable distinction?
I’m bringing my partner to visit home without the comforting “legitimacy” of my wife. Is this the point where my old, dear friends write me off for a crazy NorCal hippie? Or will they just shrug and add it to my long list of eccentricities that they have to deal with?
I hope for the latter.
More often, one partner reluctantly agrees to polyamory to win the affections of the other, secretly hoping that this unwelcome twist will magically vanish once they are committed to each other. Some are consciously or unconsciously creating a situation in which they can heal childhood wounds or replicate the large extended family they grew up in. Kate, speaks for many when she says, “I don’t think I’ve ever engaged in anything that has prompted more self-reflection and intense personal growth than has polyamory.”
Some want a stable and nurturing environment in which to raise their children. Some use polyamory to mask or excuse addictions to sex, work, or drama while others seek utopian or spiritual rewards or want to take a stand for cultural change. Others are simply doing what’s fun and what comes naturally for them or are rebelling against religious prohibitions or family expectations. Some use polyamory as a weapon in a power struggle or to punish a controlling partner. Some want to keep their erotic life alive and vital while in long term committed relationships or to fulfill sexual or emotional desires they can’t meet with only one person or with their existing partner. Some are trying to make up for developmental gaps or to balance unequal sex drives. Some people do not start out consciously choosing polyamory at all, but find that polyamory has chosen them."
— From Polyamory in the 21st Century, by Deborah Anapol
- Me: DC doesn't represent women well.
- Brother: The government or the comic books?
- Me: Pick one.